Jaaron Jermaine Langford:

Inquiry Into Queer Identity

Instagram:_Jaaronart

Pronouns: he/they (I don’t give a fuck, call me whatever)

“A rose is more than just its name: it’s how it feels, the waxy leaves, the soft red petals, its thorny base.” -Brandon Thomas Lucas

“I have always wanted to be both man and woman, to incorporate the strongest and richest parts of my mother and father within me - to share valleys and mountains upon my body the way the earth does in hills and peaks.

I would like to enter a woman the way any man can, and to be entered - to leave and to be left - to be hot and hard and soft all at the same time in the case of our love. I would like to drive forward and at other times to rest or be driven. When I sit and play in the waters of my bath I love to feel the deep inside parts of me, sliding and folded and tender and deep. Other times I like to fantasize the core of it, my pearl, a protruding part of me, hard and sensitive and vulnerable in a different way” -Audre Lorde Zami

In this body of work called “The Waltz with no End”, I’m exploring the process of finding oneself within your inner self. Like I said in my intro we seek to individualize ourselves through numerous labels and from said labels for numerous standards. It is a battle within oneself to face, others can relate but only with their own experiences. Men throughout history have been predominantly passed down by this idea that the only emotions he’s allowed to express as a ban is anger, stoicism, dominance, self-affirmation, and a lack of consideration for others who don’t fall into societal norms and expectations. I believe in reality emotions don’t define your gender nor do they only exist for a singular gender. The societal norms of how and what a woman is supposed to be are like a perfectly polished porcelain doll that is only supposed to be admired and placed where others deem fit, many women have been plagued with this idea that even a single expression of sadness, anger, happiness, and laughter is labeled with this idea of overreacting. Just being born into the world you are already faced with challenges of gender and who, how and what you're supposed to be.

As we grow and individualize ourselves, we may get lost within ourselves. Our mind and souls are complex only unique to oneself but can be heard and seen by others. While searching for our identity we tend to gravitate towards labels as they create a temporary sense of understanding oneself but also gives us this sense of individuality that we seek. Little do we understand that by labeling yourself, you are only creating a blockage between yourself and who you truly want to be. Now I’m not pushing this narrative that sexual and gender labels are in any way bad, hell that would be a disgrace against LGBTQIA+ history and the people who have risked their lives for us to be here and I use them myself, but I’m only challenging the narrative that is in place because I myself have fallen down the rabbit hole of labels. Even if said label fuels this egotistical idea that we have a better understanding of oneself, isn’t only temporary? You can wake up the next day and feel as if you are a completely different person which is an amazing thing that humans can do, but I believe a huge part of Queerism (oneself) is the process of thinking, time, and understanding who we are.

As individuals we seek to externalize ourselves to the society around us. It is a beautiful thing to be able to have this freedom of expression as humans. To be able to feel the ground beneath our feets, to sing, laugh, to feel sadness but also happiness at the same time.

“The definition fo Queer has changed dramatically throughout history. In the 16th century it was primarily used to describe something as peculiar or eccentric, by the late 19th century it was being used colloquially to refer to same-sex attracted men. White this usage was frequently derogatory, queer was simultaneously used in neutral and affirming ways. In the 1960s and 1970s, as sexual and gender minorities fought for civil rights and promoted new ways of being in society, we also sought new names for ourselves. Gay liberationists began to reclaim queer from its earlier hurtful usages, changing “out of the closets, into the streets” and singing “we’re here because we’re queer” Queer theory drew on social constructions - the theory that people develop knowledge of the world in a social context - to critique the idea of sexuality or gender identity was normal or natural. This showed how particular norms of sexuality and gender were historically contingent” (Beth Daley).

The Gay Liberation changed the course of American History, it was post Civil Rights accompanying the ideology behind disparity of just being a minority and happening alongside the Women’s Rights movement. During these movements communities were changing, growing, and learning from each other about the racial and sexual disparities in our country. Just because Alex is a white gay cis-male in the 1960s who by choice chose to become a minority in our society’s eyes doesn’t he even come close to understanding what a black lesbian woman during that time facs, but with expression of one’s own disparities we can all seek to understand each other struggles and learn to come together, but have to acknowledge the differences. I bring this up as we all can see in today’s current society all these events were nothing more than a band-aid placed on a gushing wound which is now overflowing and peeling off once again. With the current society we live in we as humans who were born or chose to become a minority have to constantly explain ourselves to the majority, essentially externalizing our identity. I believe this to be the cause of such an intense focus on labeling oneself, as in reality Queerism (Oneself) is such in interpersonal experience and understanding.

I documented the art and beauty of drag in a series of three physical prints. I had the opportunity not only to work with Entity formally known as Van Gloss, who is not only a drag queen at night, but also an artist at MIAD during the day. All my life I looked up to the beauty and power of drag queens. On the surface, many think that it is just men who want to dress up as a woman and dance around the stage, but in my eyes, it is a beautiful art form of expression of one’s self as well as a movement. Right now in our country, there are so many misconceptions regarding drag queens and a lot of hateful speech, and un rightful laws being placed. This like many other issues in America stem from a lack of understanding knowledge, and unwillingness to actually learn the history and significance behind drag queens themselves.

For many drag is an escape from reality just like art but also it is a way for a human to better understand who they truly are, a lot of the time drag queens’ alternate personas help them express what they may not be able to express and to come to terms with who they are. Drag has also played a huge role in many social justice movements regarding not only Black Lives, but the un rightful hate of al BIPOC cultures, it is a community that doesn’t discriminate against each other, and if people just took a second to actually sit down and read a book on drag or watch Paris Burning, they would better understand how impactful drag truly is. When shooting I was able to witness such power and confidence in oneself, externalizing their personality to the world not because our society deems that they need to but because this is who they are.

In this series, I’m exploring an individual that is pushing the narrative of what our society see’s. I photographed an individual who doesn’t conform to any label within LGBTQIA+, an individual who knows that life, gender and sexuality is fluid, who knows that they like all genders but doesn’t want to label it because societal norms of both communities want him to. They understand that Queerism(Oneself) is like a gray scale, gray is a harmonious color which is mixed with a multitude of colors to create a million different variations of what we call the color gray. They are able to channel both masculine and feminine energy into themselves, to be able to express emotions not associated with masculinity but also embrace their masculine traits because they aren’t worried about what our society thinks of them. Now this is easier said than done of course but isn’t it beautiful? To know that you don’t have to be approved by anyone else but yourself. Tha your meaning in life isn’t the labels we hide behind but you are. Life is complex but also short. We can continue to worry about how we present ourselves to the world all we want but no matter how many tattoos, piercings, and hair styles we go through, the thing that makes us individual is oneself.

When walking out of this space I don’t want you to amass this identity of Queer, but learn to implement the theory and ideology of what queer means in your own identity. Queerism surpasses that boundary between heterosexuality and homosexuality as it is something we all can learn from. This goes across all sexuality and genders but it’s less about the sexual experiences you have with other individuals, those experiences don’t further your identity, sexuality or understanding of yourself but only distract you from yourself. Truly take time to understand your name, and to view Queer not as a sexuality or gender but as you being an individual being.

Community and friendships are a huge factor in one’s identity. The people we surround ourselves with shape and form who we are. They help us define our name and define our purpose in life. I was fortunate to find a community that extends past the 12 images I have mounted. I am forever grateful to the peeps from the past but also the peeps I have in my life now. Together we all have individual complex identities but because of our Queerness we can all relate in one way or another, we don’t feel like outcasts together, that these complex thoughts of identity, sexuality, and gender are us just going insane. Much Love for my people of the past, present, and future as I wouldn’t be who I am without you.

-The End